I Love Being Sober: Changing the Narrative of Your Story

Changing the Narrative of Your Story

Sep 29, 2022

Wendy Adamson is a mental health professional who has spent over twenty-five years serving individuals struggling with addiction and mental health disorders. She provided counseling, facilitated groups and interventions, crisis management, and executed treatment plans, which led to hundreds of individuals finding a way out of a hopeless state. She has an interesting story and has published two memoirs, Incorrigible and Mother Load, which we talk about a little today as Wendy shares her background, the generational issues she dealt with, and her dramatic wake-up call to turn her life around.

One of the things that turned Wendy’s life around was changing her narrative through writing. She was able to use pen and paper to dissect her past and requalify it from victimhood to empowerment. Wendy had rough times with her early family and schizophrenia mother, who eventually committed suicide. For a long time, she only spoke “victimese.” Reaching out to help a young man who was shot in front of her apartment was the turning point for Wendy to do the work and go from victimhood to empowerment.

We talk about intergenerational trauma and how information can be transmitted through our genes and experiences. We also talk about how stepping into recovery can create a ripple effect and how it’s vital for the entire family to participate and do the work. Wendy shares who her book is for and also talks about her son’s non-profit Hav A Sole, an organization that has given away over 35,000 pairs of shoes and even landed them an appearance on The Ellen Show.

[04:45] Wendy has been sober for 28 years. When she first became sober, she saw everything as if she were a victim. It was everybody else's fault whether it was schizophrenic mother, alcoholic father, or cheating husband. The language of "victimese" is giving your power away to everyone else.
[05:20] "I do think writing is for everybody. Writing is a powerful tool, and that's why so often people are told to journal." Wendy Adamson
[05:46] Putting your emotions on paper is like taking the bullets out of the chamber.
[08:18] Writing is part of the steps of how we frame and see things. It helps us to reflect and take responsibility for our actions.
[09:38] The first seven years of Wendy's life her schizophrenic mother was trying to kill herself. Wendy was on high alert at all times. When Wendy was 7 years old, her mother succeeded.
[10:05] Wendy swore she would never be like her mother, but saying never is like giving the universe the exact coordinates of where you're going to land.
[10:31] Wendy's mother was 38 years old when she killed herself. Wendy was 38 when she had a psychotic break from staying up and doing drugs and alcohol.
[10:55] Her husband was also having an affair and Wendy shot the other woman in the arm.
[11:38] Wendy had lost all grips on reality and went to the county jail. She also had a 9-year year old and a 16-year-old son
[12:25] Wendy spent a year in jail, and while she was there she realized the best way to pay her husband back would be to become a success.
[13:57] Wendy talks about the intergenerational pattern of her mother, herself and her oldest son.
[14:28] A young man was shot in front of Wendy's apartments, and she went to help him. The police thought she was the young man's mother, and she thought this might be a sign to get help.
[15:56] She changed by being of service to another suffering human being. She then started to participate in her own recovery.
[16:34] She discovered writing and discovered that she could use her experience to help others with addiction to drugs and alcohol.
[19:02] It was time for Wendy to become a mother for her boys and to make amends. Her book Mother Load is about losing her mother and the recovery she had to become the mother that she never had.
[19:51] Intergenerational trauma remains unconscious and is transmitted to the offspring. A lot of information can be transmitted through our genes and what we've experienced in life.
[21:27] One person stepping into recovery can also create a ripple effect.
[22:25] Don't put your energy on what you don't want. Focus on what you want.
[24:40] It's important for the family to be part of the treatment process.
[28:18] A toxic family member can even sabotage someone they see getting sober. It's always good when an entire family is invested and wanting to do the work.
[32:59] Writing about herself and things that happened to her was like an emotional retrieval for Wendy. Writing and going back was like recovering the parts that she left behind.
[38:43] Wendy's book is written for anyone who's been struggling with sobriety or people who feel like they need a transfusion of Hope.
[39:17] Hav A Sole is an organization started by Wendy's son that enables donations of shoes and sneakers to people who need them. They’ve now given out 35,000 pairs of shoes.

Links mentioned in this episode: